Beautiful Lies

Readers of this blog.

iHave been… occupied. iAm sorry iHaven’t blogged. Y’all must’ve been frantic. *giggle* *curtsey*

So how have you been? Cause iHave been bloody horrible.

iSaid iWasn’t gonna rant about my emotional nonsense here again. But iWant to express myself. No. iNeed to express myself. You can’t imagine how gut-wrenching it is to keep deep emotions to myself.

But you love it when iSpill, don’t you? ;)

AnyHOO

iHave a question for you. When you meet someone and the person is so cool. Like frigid. And you guys talk 24/7 nonstop. Then one day, he says he likes you. And then, the most mind-numbling-fuckup-y of all; he’s in a relationship. You’re immediately on red alert right?

Let me get straight to the point.

This summer iFell in love again. Not willingly, but it happened… And as usual,  iGot my heart broken.

Thing is, he was already taken. Even though the relationship clearly sucked. iPlayed the good friend, and he ended up falling for my awesomeness. iKid, iKid.

iKnow iShouldn’t be doing these things but trust me, iFought hard against it. We all fuck up sometimes… The heart does what the heart wants.

The thing that annoyed me the most were the promises. What was the point of making all those promises? Knowing they were all meaningless fantasies. iWarned you but you wouldn’t listen. iWas just too gullible to believe it myself.

Distance is such a fucking bitch.

iKnew iHad lost you even before it happened. iJust didn’t think you’d go back to her. Anyone but her.

And now you have left me bloody and sore. Well, Fxck iLook like? iCan handle some pain but I’m not Superman.

The only thing that made it easier was your apology. No one’s ever apologized for breaking me. Then iHeard what you said and got mad again.

Now I’m lying down thinking of you with a few questions on my mind.

Was it easy leaving me? Like iWas nothing? Like we were nothing?

Are you happier with her?

Do you still think about me?

iKnow it shouldn't bother me, but it does. iShouldn't care, but iDo. iShould hate you, but iDon't.

iThought we had something real, iThought we had something. iDont know why iFooled myself.

Everything reminds me of you now. Oh my gosh. There’s this guy iKeep staring at cause he smiles just like you. And your scent... Lawd! iRemember it so well.

Well enough of this, iCannot allow myself think of you anymore. iAm gonna remember us like we were just casual. Nothing deep.

And  when people ask me what happened, I’m gonna lie until it becomes the truth. I’m gonna say we were just friends until iBelieve it myself.

iKnow this makes me a pussy. You’re probably thinking, “Man up Kay! Use your testicles!”… Or maybe you weren’t thinking that  x_x

But whatever. iCan’t be arsed *Kanye shrug*.

*Caramel Kisses*