Hermoso Desastre...

NOTE.

If you're in any way familiar with me; once you're done reading it, please do not confront me about it. Or ask me for the full story. Cause iWould not hesitate to ignore you completely. And if you mock me, iFear iMight just lose it. 

This is something iWrote just for myself. It's something i'm extremely conscious about posting. It's a letter to my ex. iHad to think about it seriously. To post or not to post? “It’s a bit too emotional; it’ll make me seem like the weaker man.”

It’s about old unspoken truths. Something I've got to get out of my chest. Memories iWant to let go of. But some memories just stay no matter what.   

To that somebody:                                     

Remember all those things we wanted,

Now all our memories they’re haunted,

We were never meant to say goodbye.

                                – Kelly Clarkson (and a few twists)

We both liked each other deeply. [Unless you were pretending in which case you would be a complete douche!] You knew it, iKnew it, so what was the problem ? iTried to make it easier, but you kept fighting back like we were at war. 

With you iWas different. It’s like iWas someone else. A split personality? iCould always tug the treads connecting you to my fantasies. Actually, scratch that. You made my fantasies seem like cheap imaginations. It felt so surreal.

When it started, something in me changed completely, never to be reversed. iFound myself somewhere iNever thought i'd be. 

You were supposed to be perfect for me. But then you changed. And till now iHave no idea what went wrong.

You were the one thing iNever regretted. I’m the kinda person that would do something and feel guilty about it later. But with you it was never like that.

iKnew you were leaving. Our time was limited. iLived by my motto, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all”. You hurt me badly but iDidn’t care. iAlways faked a smile and dealt with the side effects.

You knew you were hurting me and yet you’d give me a sad smile and keep hurting me. It pissed me off to know it also made you sad. So why did you keep doing it?

There iWas, ready for you. But you just kept pushing me away.

Then you gave me the lamest excuse ever, “You don’t want to fall too hard for me cause you’re afraid to lose me” So I’d smile and pretend like iBelieved you .

Truth is iWanted to, badly. But iJust couldn’t, no matter how hard iTried. iMean, FXCK iLOOK LIKE ?!

 iCraved to feel something for you. Love, Hate… A sick addiction. My own crazy infatuation.

It was quite sad actually but iCouldn’t help it… iWas obsessed, as crazy as it seems.

There are things iStill remember about you.  Things iCan’t seem to forget, like a virus hacked into my brain.

iWish there was a delete button in my mind so iCould get rid of the memories of you.

iCraved for one last time. But alas! You left without even saying goodbye. And yet you claimed iWas special. Your disappearance broke my heart. But it’s something I’ve learned to live with.

Now I’m stuck with “what if’s” and “if only”

If iHad one chance to do it all again, would I? Probably. What would iChange? Absolutely nothing. Would we make the same mistakes? iCouldn’t be bothered.

It’s crazy, it’s absurd, its madness, it foolishness, it’s even scary and yet deeply right. What other word is there?

iCould say iHate you, but them iWould be lying to myself. It was just another bad romance.

But still iWould never admit the worst. Not even to myself.

Al Final

*Well enough of this. Just because iMade a reference to 'doing it all over again' as though iStill have feelings for him, doesnt mean iActually do.  Those feelings are long gone. iMean looooong gone. Doesn't mean iDont remember how it felt. 

*Caramel_Kisses*